You don’t love me.
Over the years, I have spent a lot of time observing you and listening to you, and I believe I am starting to hear your message, loud and clear –
you don’t love me;
never have, never will.
Honestly, I feel completely underappreciated and overlooked.
I have supported you when you were at your lowest and stayed in the background with you at your highest,
yet every decision I make never seems to satisfy you.
I am in freaking medical school on a gorgeous island trying to become a doctor and leave a positive mark on this world –
and even then I’m
not good enough for you.
We can be having the time of our lives and all it takes is one wrong word, an off look, or even the passing glance of a stranger and you immediately recluse from me, as if I disgust you. And I am starting to believe that you do, in fact, find me repulsive. Rarely do you ever look at me with love or wonder, and I am quite sure desire isn’t even in your vocabulary. While you do compliment me every now and then, the majority of our conversations end with harsh criticism and insults that cut deep, despite me repeatedly telling you that the way you address me lacks the respect that I deserve.
I have sat idly by as Love Interests have waltzed in and out of your life,
each one taking more from you than you gave to them.
Yet, you still choose to love Them over me, as if I am unlovable.
I have lost weight, dressed up, dressed down, changed my hair, bought new outfits, and worked out for hours on end. I try to do everything I can to prove to you that I am worth your attention, that I am worth your affection… and still I have nothing to show for it.
So, tell me, Rachael, when will I ever be good enough for you to love yourself?